In a stunning press release this morning, 20th Century Fox announced that the tiny Texas town of Andrews, home to a new nuclear waste dump owned by Waste Control Specialists, will hold a gala event to premiere one of this summer’s blockbusters, X-men: First Class.  For those not familiar, X-men follows a team of super-powered mutants. For those not familiar with the WCS facility, please read previous posts on our blog here, here, here, and here. From their press release:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

APRIL 1, 2011

HOLLYWOOD, CA — X-men are “gone to Texas” for their premiere, which will take place on the grounds of the country’s newest and potentially largest nuclear waste dump.

Fox executive Tim Rothman said, “The X-men have been referred to as ‘The Children of the Atom’- so we decided to showcase that in our premiere”

Harold Simmons

While the site, owned by Waste Control Specialists and Dallas supervillain billionaire Harold Simmons, only contains so-called “low level” radioactive waste, the waste site will house all of the radioactive waste created by a nuclear reactor except for spent fuel rods, meaning there is plenty of radiation emitted by some waste products to have its desired effect:

“We’d really like to cut costs for future sequels by creating actual super-powered mutants,” said Rothman. “Who better to start irradiating than our actual cast?”

Rothman also noted that the proximity of the waste site to the Ogalalla Aquifer, which provides water to 11 states, is also ideal. “There’s how many million people who might drink this water? Surely some of them will have to get superpowers!” Several Texas environmental regulators quit their jobs in protest of the waste dump possibly leaking into the water.

Executive Producer Bryan Singer and Director Matthew Vaughn also added this statement, “We love the idea. This is the type of groundbreaking marketing we ought to do more of, and will allow us to use more practical effects in future… no, stop! They have guns to our heads and have kidnapped our families. We’re being forced to say this.This is a &#$%ing TERRIBLE IDEA. Don’t believe anything…” They were unavailable for further comment.

In an unprecedented display of corporate synergy, this will further tighten the bonds between billionaires, campaign finance spending, and Fox.  Simmons, who is known for his political contributions to Republican candidates, will donate the use of his site rather than making more ad buys attacking Barack Obama on Fox News, a sister company of  20th Century Fox. “It’s all Rupert [Murdoch]’s  money anyway, so who cares? We billionaires have to stick together. We thought we’d help out our team indirectly this time instead of giving more campaign bribes, err donations to politicians, as those usually have to be disclosed, ” a spokesperson for Simmons stated.

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We here at Public Citizen Texas are aghast at this proposal and will keep our eye on further developments to try to keep you informed. We’d like to remind everyone of the date today, April 1, and to keep an eye out for tricksters who might try to pull any sort of sort of trick on folks here in Texas.  Like, say, storing a bunch of nuclear waste here, making us the dumping ground for the country. Or opening the state to radioactive waste from all over the country, turning Texas into the nation’s dumping ground.

That’s the real trick. And it’s not very funny.